Mood:
downI started an entry on Tuesday, but David got home and I opted to spend time with him. For some reason, I didn't have a "save as draft" button available. Odd. But the way I was feeling hasn't changed, at least not for the better, so I am putting it all in now.
A week ago, I was going on about how wonderful things had been. I enjoy my job, David got a promotion, we had a couple of really good events happen. Well, somehow I am not happy about it anymore. Turns out that there are a lot of problems with the changes. Not to mention the diet I started on Monday. Sure, it has only been a week, but it has really worn me down. Here is what is getting to me:
Most days, I need to walk to my job and walk home. And I am working out at work, and on my feet the rest of the time. It is very tiring and hard on my body. I also need to get to Adam's school in time to pick him up. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, that won't happen 'cause I am not out of work until 10 minutes after he is out of school. So, on Tuesdays I have a neighbor get him and Thursdays are covered by Katie. On Fridays, David has had the day off, so I don't have to walk home or get Adam, which has been nice. That will change next week when he starts his new position. I am glad he will be working during the day because it will be nice to have him home for dinner and to spend time with Adam. However, I will have to walk Adam to school in the morning, walk home from that, walk to work, walk to the school after work to get Adam, and then walk home. I am exhausted enough as it is! Then there is spring break. Adam will be out for 3 weeks. David and I will both be working during the day. So, we have to put him in RecTrek, which will cost about as much as I make during that time. Kinda seems pointless to work, but I have to so I can keep my job. I discovered one of my coworkers has a nasty evil streak. I mean truly evil. Luckily, I only have to deal with her for a few minutes on Thursdays, but that is enough to make things very stressful. So, this job thing is not making me very happy lately.
Then there is my home. It is in a state I haven't seen it in since June. I just don't have the energy or patience to take care of it right now, and I am not getting much help. Yes, David and Adam are helping a bit more, but not enough. I just can't keep up with it and it is really making me depressed. I can't stand the mess, and I can't get it all cleaned up. That makes me upset, which makes it harder to do anything, and it just keeps getting worse. Then I hide in bed in tears.
And I started a diet on Monday, the Curves 6-week solution. Phase one is a week long. I'm about done with that. Just the rest of today. Breakfast and lunch are too much, snacks are reasonable, and dinner is far too small. It leaves me hungry and cranky by the end of the night. I also have to eat what the book says, which isn't always what I want. And I have recipes that only I will eat, and I only get one serving. The recipes often make 4-6 servings. So, we are ending up wasting food. And the food costs more than what we usually spend on groceries. Each week (we have shopped for two of the weeks so far, since I am starting week 2 tomorrow) costs as much as I make in a week. This is ridiculous. We can't afford it. Of course, I have lost 6 pounds since Monday. The next several weeks, I am supposed to expect to lose a couple pounds each week. I have about 30-40 to lose. It will take a while. I don't like being told what and how much I can eat and when. I don't like that it is mostly stuff my family doesn't like. It makes it very hard for me. That just adds to all the other stress and frustration. Also, my only time to get things done around the house is in the evening, and at that time I am hungry and cranky, so things just won't get done. Of course, next week I am eating a lot more. It seems like it will be just a bit too much. In the morning tomorrow, I get 3/4 cup of cheerios, 1/2 cup skim milk, and 1 cup egg substitute. I've been having 3/4 cup egg substitute lately, and it has been a lot. I won't be as hungry, but I still won't have any choices. It frustrates me.
This past week, Adam was sick, which meant figuring out how he could stay home when David and I had to be at work. That was difficult. Then I started my period. This is not right. I am taking bcps so that I only get my period, and the massive cramps and migraines, once every three months. It has been a month and a half. This happened with my last cycle too. I am only managing 6 weeks, instead of 12. And each period is worse. The pain is getting unbearable and the migraines are debilitating. The migraine hasn't hit, but that is normal. It is usually the last day of my period or the day after. So, it will hit in a couple days, which is when I am working. If it hits at work, I won't be able to handle it. I need a cool, dark, quiet place. Curves is certainly not that. I don't know what to do.
David keeps telling me I will get used to it and be able to keep up eventually. He doesn't realize how bad my headaches and pelvic pain have gotten. He doesn't realize how this is affecting my moods. He sees me in tears and tells me it won't last, that this is normal. It sure doesn't feel normal. I will give it until the end of this month. If I don't adjust by then, I am pretty sure I won't. And I won't make myself put up with it. It isn't good for me or anyone around me.
